Parity or Parody?

Everyone is talking about the Canadian dollar reaching parity with its US counterpart.
Wat exacly does this mean u might wonder? Cheaper prices north of the border perhaps? An increase in consumer satisfaction? Soaring sales of previously overpriced electronic equipment? well...not really.

Despite having reached parity - the Canadian dollar is still well...friggin Canadian. Hopefully stores will catch onto the craze that is the free market and lower prices before we all move south of the border to do our weekend shopping. However good news is just on the horizon - as yahoo! - being the market leader in all things...markety. Decided to lower the prices on many of their online games out there. Yes - u heard it here first folks - online gaming prices have plummeted. By how much u dare ask? Well just take a look at this lovely detailed picture Mash sent me not very long ago...



















...ahem - yes i know what your thinking.

WTF (fudge)

A game that USED to cost 20 bucks is now an affordable 19.99 - giving more credence to the age-old cliche: "a penny saved is a penny earned." So wat does this mean for online gaming aficionados? Well it means yahoo is finding new and innovative ways to screw over potential customers while alienating those who would actually pay for an online game (i mean seriously...who buys stuff anymore?? 5 finger discounts are all the craze these days).

One can argue that yahoo is in reality quite business savvy - and by playing psychological mind games with their customers they are doing just that - showing everyone how playful they can really be. Those conniving little sons of biscuits.....they sure know how to play the corporate game of life....no wonder they've got their very own search engine...

Anywho - thats my two cents worth - if it can even be considered two cents - seeing as how i've only saved about a penny by buying Family Fued (i mean come on...pass up on a sale?? i think not...) - so i guess it's really just my penny's worth now....

Please answer my question at the end...

So tell me, legally and otherwise, what should be done?

I walked into my place today and the landlord was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. In the past few days I used up a bit of his aluminum foil, so I decided to show good gesture by buying a brand spanking new aluminum foil pack for him. As he saw me stow it in the drawer, we struck up a little conversation. The backdrop was a kitchen window with the sun bright but not blinding as it was setting, and its cheerful rays seeping through, settling upon and illuminating his face:

"Hey Bob!" I exclaimed. [Note: landlord's real name has been changed for privacy purposes under the articleship of CCEA's fundamental media rights bill 203-33a, sponsored and directed by local union federation 22.]

"Hey man, how are ya?" Bob smiled back.
"Aweeeesssssooooomeeeee!"
"That's great. How was your day?"
"Great man, how about you?"
"Ahh, not too baaad. You know?"

Alright, enough with the damn small talk. We both lead busy lives, it was time to get to the point.

"Sooo, Bob, since I am moving out in 5 days, I was just wondering if you could give me the safety deposit back in cash?"

Bob's facial muscles suddenly tensed. The sun's rays were now gone; following in my imagination the path that they would have taken, were they there, I noticed that there was a dark cloud covering the sun. Loud suspenseful music started playing. I looked over at the TV and contemplated turning it off. Bob broke our eye contact, and while stowing the dishes away, he mumbled (though I still made it out), "Yeah well if that room is not rented out by then I am keeping it."

Still smiling, I suddenly blurted, "what?"

"Yeah. I should have rented the room out to someone who would have stayed for long and not for an [effing] month. You screwed me over man." [The bolded words are his verbatim.]

I knew, I just knew he'd do this. I had grown suspicious of his personality over the past couple of weeks and I knew something like this would not be out of the question. That sharaabi. So I perked up, wiped out kind- Hamza-smile and replaced it with pitbull-Hamza-face and said, "Well, I do see where you are coming from, and I apologize for leaving like this, but the rent was specifically month-to-month, and while I found this place wonderful, it is mad far from the campus. Here's what I will do, though. Since I gave you the notice on the 9th (of September), I am legally supposed to stay till the 9th of October and thus pay you your rent for those 9 days. Cool? But you have to give me my safety back. Do you think you can give it in cash?"

He thought for a moment, then replied with reluctance in his voice, "Whatever man, we'll see, but yeah can't do cash--maybe cheque."

"Alright man, cool."

With that I left him and went back to my room thinking I'm glad I am moving out of here in 5 days.

So now, let me ask you something. I am soft-hearted, and I do understand his issue: I kind of did screw him over in the sense that he could have gotten someone who would have stayed longer than I am, but he chose me. So, now, the rent for the 9 days works out to $150. The safety was $300. He legally owes me back $150. But, I'm thinking, if I should ask him for $150 back or just $100, and throw in the extra $50 for the little trouble that I did cause. This is not a legal question. This is a general social question. But yeah, legally what's your view too?

What would you do?

Strike One - You're Out

Many of you may have heard about the five-alarm fire that ravaged parts of Victoria Park and Danforth last night. Fortunately, no one was known to be injured. And yes. I live at that intersection. Thanks for all of you who called to see to see if I was okay. I really appreciate it. [okay, no one actually called me. I was hoping that I could guilt-trip everyone, thinking they'd be the only person in the world not to call me. And then I would get calls. =)]

In more important news, a man was jailed yesterday for having thrown an onion at his wife. He not only threw it at her. He in fact, hit her. As a result, he was charged with domestic assault causing injury.

She told police that "it made her head hurt". The man, James Izzolena, admitted throwing the onion, but he claimed he did not intend to hit her with it. He was being held without bond pending his court appearance yesterday.

Mash's Thoughts:

Okay, the guy is 54 years old. But I think his pinpoint accuracy is better than half of the pitching staff of the Toronto Blue Jays. I don't believe for a second that he didn't intend to hit her. That he did doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is that his wife is 27. He is 54. She is 27. I guess one could probably say he's twice the person she is, no? [insert laugh track here, since I doubt any of you found that funny]

Anywho, so the guy hit her with an onion in the head. I've been hit by a hardball deadsmack in the face. I've been hit with a baseball bat in the mouth. I've been hit in the manjewels several times while playing soccer, and kicked several more times when not playing soccer as well. Why is the woman acting like such a girl for? It's not like she got kicked in the...ahem...It's not like she got hit in mouth with a baseball bat.

I know some of you ladies out there must be thinking, what about the guy? Fear not, I'm definitely not letting HIM off the hook. I mean, how DARE he throw an onion? Precious onion! Base of all curry gravy! The fact that it's an onion makes me want to cry. I can't even look straight at an onion anymore without shedding tears.

Sigh.

I Don't Want No Sporty Thieves

Look out Abdamza Habdullah! You've officially got competition for best looking couple. Apparently, an abandoned monkey has found true love with a pigeon. Word is the 12 week old macaque was abandoned by his mother and was on the brink of death.

According to staff at the sanctuary, the 'blossoming relationship' helped to revive the macaque and give it a new lease on life.

The crazy part is that this is actually the third interspecies episode in recent memory. Earlier this year a pig raised a tiger cub and raised him along with her piglets, and another story of a baby deer named Mi-lu befriending a lurcher named Geoffrey emerged sometime in 2005.

Mash's thoughts:

Wow. Isn't this exactly what Disney-Pixar movies are made out of? A truly exceptional exemplification of how life imitates art.

Now, more seriously (yes Mashy can be serious too you know), I found that there are some underlying morals that can be learned from this spectacle. I know we all love the monkey, so instead, let's give some airtime to the pigeon. As I know many of us hate pigeons and their pooping parades, I felt compelled to point out that, if this monkey can find something to love in this pigeon, can't we humans, as far more emotionally advanced, do the same?

Now I'm not saying graciously accept pigeons pooping on us. Because according to the most recent surveys, pooping on people is still considered bad. Instead, we must learn to accept and tolerate the pigeon, even though we may hate the poop that comes along with it (or most of us, anyways). I mean, just look at how cute that picture is. Can you really hate a pigeon after looking at a picture like this? And while it's true that the monkey is what makes this picture awesome, can't the pigeon at least be cool-by-association?

I'd like you all to send your donations to help pigeons around the world. Please send your cash and cheques to the Pigeons' Ethical Treatment Assocation (PETA) via Smarticulators. Let's not be cruel to any animals. Why? Because PETA said so.

[Mini-contest Time! Whoever can get the connection between the blogpost and the blogpost title wins another fantastic opportunity to pay us an undisclosed amount of money. All kidding aside, try it. It shouldn't be that hard.]

Just Another Milestone

We would all like to a take a moment of your time to celebrate our 16th post. Why are we celebrating such a momentous milestone you ask? Well frankly to tell you the truth we didn't think we would ever make it past 3 posts...and this is quite a pleasant surprise - i mean - we dreamt big - just never this big...its all very hard to digest. We would first like to thank our family and friends (ok fine - friend - singular) for making all this possible. Furthermore - we'd like to give shout outs to our homeboys on the mean streets of TO - for teaching us how to hustle like true businessmen on Wall Street (or Bay Street in our case)....despite the fact we haven't earned a single penny yet, we figure we'll be rolling in the dough soon. Mathematically speaking if we got a penny for every blog post we did - we'd be like....15 cents richer. Anywho - the point is - that we're celebrating the only way we know how - by fasting for the next 30 days (booya baby).

Snakes On A Plane

News broke out over the weekend that a man flew into the States from South Korea carrying 30 or so dead snakes along with a dead bird and pieces of several other birds. Apparently, he put them in jars and bottles and checked them in as luggage. Even though the creatures were lifeless, screeners took extra precautions because U.S. Fish and Wildlife officers warned that some of the snakes could still contain venom. The passenger, who's name is not being released, faces possible fines.

Mash's Thoughts (reader discretion is advised):

Who the **** let that mutha ****ing man get those mutha ****ing snakes on that mutha ****ing plane? So what if those mutha ****ing snakes were mutha ****ing dead? There were mutha ****ing snakes on the mutha ****ing plane regardless! This sh** ain't a mutha ****ing movie! It's mutha ****in real life!

Beautiful...she's just so beautiful...

So I saw this beautiful girl today and I was taken aback by her beauty. I wanted to drive right into her, but she felt distant. Many others though also seemed to want to drive right into her. And as if to smack me in the face, all paths lead right into her. Those lucky ones that have seen her up close before describe her beauty in fantasizing superlatives. May she forever continue to glisten under the warming auspices of the sun.

Damn, I wanna climb her soon.

Have you ever seen clouds forming?

It's a sight to behold. You see that a lot here, in Kalgree.

Far on the horizon you see the hills toward the west of the city. In some locations, you can actually see the majestic Rockies too. Then you see the dark clouds above the hills. And finally, in some areas, you see a small extension of a cloud, much lighter in shade, appearing to connect with the hills.

Behold: cloud formation!

P.S. I do not mean 'girls' by 'hills', and I most certainly do not mean 'guys' by 'clouds'.

Calgary, Westjet and pilots...

Early this morning I finally found myself sitting near the back of the small Westjet plane, seat 23D, bound for Calgary. The last few days had been quite tough.

I actually boarded the plane quite late, so by the time I was done making myself comfortable on the seat, the stewardess began announcing some gibberish about safety and cross-checking exits. Who listens to these announcements anyway? It's like signing up for any account on the internet and reading through the "Terms and Conditions". Psssh. I always hit "I agree" without even reading the End-user License crap. [Note: I have just presented a huge weakness of mine which can be easily exploited and taken advantage of. Note to note: Please note that I am not that dumb either. Note to the notes: Choose your side carefully.]

Anyway, so there I am all tucked in and ready to go, when I glance up to survey the surroundings. I notice that the cockpit door is still open. Hmmm, weird, talk about safety measu--HOLY CRAP! What's that! OMG, what's that!?

Suddenly I became extremely nervous and scared. Whenever I board a plane, I always have some sick twisted imagination part of me thinking that this will be the last time I'm doing so. What I had just seen took that feeling to scary, new proportions. God have Mercy.

I saw, through the open cockpit door, peeking over the shoulders from the pilot's seat, a very slim head with a tress of golden hair. Holy crap it's a lady pilot.

Now, I don't mean to be sexist, racist, discriminating, and I certainly don't mean to be a chauvinistic asshole (not yet at least); I'm just saying I was scared for my life. I don't know why. I was freaked out. I made serious prayer invocations. God is Most Merciful...the woman got up and took her rightful seat as the stewardess while letting a uniformed pilot-man sit in her seat.

Phew, that was close.

Disclaimer: I do NOT mean to be sexist or prejudicy or whatever. I love women. In fact, I wanna live with one for the REST of my life! I hope you consider the brevity of this statement.

Dinero!

News last week that a thief stole a briefcase and threw it away without realizing that there were over $13 000 dollars inside has made headlines. Namely, on this blog.

"The case's owner, a 57-year-old Iranian businessman, had reported it missing as he prepared to board a flight in Duesseldorf airport. A policewoman later found it -- ransacked, but still containing the two cash-filled envelopes"

Mash's thoughts:

Ok guys, the plan was laid down perfectly. AB schemed the plan (mostly because AB just loves to scheme), Hamza was supposed to carry out Mission Improbable, and I was supposed to just stand around and look pretty. Once the plan was in full motion, I already knew I was going to fail my part of the job (I mean, me? Look pretty? That is Mission Impossible. That doesn't deter away from the fact that Hamza, threw away such an opportunity?! Literally!

Oh well. All of you readers (Yes, all 4.5 of you), watch out. Your briefcases will be stolen and thrown away next. (Next time, please make the cash more visible)

[Disclaimer: Okay, so as usual. I have to provide a disclaimer. We didn't actually attempt to steal the briefcase, and in fact, we had nothing to do with it in any way, shape, or form. So before the authorities arrest us, let me say clearly, that we are not involved in this at all. We're just providing humour for our readers. And the design of the theft was all AB's idea. There! I confessed! I confessed! Can I get a more lenient sentence now?]

[Disclaimer to the Disclaimer: The disclaimer above is also intended for humorous purposes, so please, we are only joking. We are NOT involved in the theft of this briefcase. Thank you for your understanding]