Many of you may have heard about the five-alarm fire that ravaged parts of Victoria Park and Danforth last night. Fortunately, no one was known to be injured. And yes. I live at that intersection. Thanks for all of you who called to see to see if I was okay. I really appreciate it. [okay, no one actually called me. I was hoping that I could guilt-trip everyone, thinking they'd be the only person in the world not to call me. And then I would get calls. =)]
In more important news, a man was jailed yesterday for having thrown an onion at his wife. He not only threw it at her. He in fact, hit her. As a result, he was charged with domestic assault causing injury.
She told police that "it made her head hurt". The man, James Izzolena, admitted throwing the onion, but he claimed he did not intend to hit her with it. He was being held without bond pending his court appearance yesterday.
Mash's Thoughts:
Okay, the guy is 54 years old. But I think his pinpoint accuracy is better than half of the pitching staff of the Toronto Blue Jays. I don't believe for a second that he didn't intend to hit her. That he did doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is that his wife is 27. He is 54. She is 27. I guess one could probably say he's twice the person she is, no? [insert laugh track here, since I doubt any of you found that funny]
Anywho, so the guy hit her with an onion in the head. I've been hit by a hardball deadsmack in the face. I've been hit with a baseball bat in the mouth. I've been hit in the manjewels several times while playing soccer, and kicked several more times when not playing soccer as well. Why is the woman acting like such a girl for? It's not like she got kicked in the...ahem...It's not like she got hit in mouth with a baseball bat.
I know some of you ladies out there must be thinking, what about the guy? Fear not, I'm definitely not letting HIM off the hook. I mean, how DARE he throw an onion? Precious onion! Base of all curry gravy! The fact that it's an onion makes me want to cry. I can't even look straight at an onion anymore without shedding tears.
Sigh.
Unfortunately, ESP is NOT the most effective way of telling people who a)don't know where you live, or b)have your number...what do you think we are...STALKERS?????...On second thought...don't answer that!!!!
ReplyDeleteAbout said onion incident...I think the women should have retaliated!!!! Yeah right, her "head hurt"!!!! I bet she was just making excuses because she couldn't find anything equally painful to throw back (I would have suggested a cucumber...but that's just me)!!!! Tsk, tsk!!! What is this world coming to...when a woman doesn't have the means to throw vegetables (or anything else for that matter) at her husband!!!! Sigh...we're going back to the dark ages it seems.
Also, if the man really wants to get off the hook, he can always say it was "a drive by fruiting"...or in this case, a drive by onioning. It's just a thought!!
Appreciate the thoughts Sheba, lol - drive by fruiting =D. I like that.
ReplyDeleteI agree, the woman should have retaliated. Eye for an eye. Onion for an onion. It's pushing for equality! =D
Forget eye for an eye...she should have done him one better!!!! She should have found something bigger, and BETTER to throw at him (I'm think a bowling ball...but again...that's just me). What's the fun in throwing an object of equal or lesser value??? Tsk, tsk, Mashkur...I'm surprised YOU didn't suggest that!!! *shakes head*
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