Thursday, October 25, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Near Death Experience
Today, just moments ago, i had a near death experience. Or at least a near fatal-car-crash-that-might-have-led-to-severe-life- altering-therapy-experience...
Lemme give you some background perspective on the events leading upto the above mentioned experience/event.
I usually drive my dad's beat up Aerostar to work. By beat up - i don't mean a few scratches on the sides...it literally looks and drives like it was on the wrong end of a Transformer's showdown. The back seats of the van were completely ripped apart and in its place, a coring machine, an electrical generator and construction cylinders were thrown in. Suffice to say that if the van got hit - all that stuff in the back would either impale and/or decapitate whoever was in the front two seats... Also - the generator smelt entirely of gasoline - hence the entire interior smells like a gas station.
Well - that's not the half of it - the van was also in a previous accident (by yours truly ofcourse) which led to the entire passenger side bumper being smashed awkwardly into the passenger side tires. Hence we had to rip that side of the bumper out. The van also had 2 cracks on the windshield that ran from post to post. The side indicator lights were unhinged and would swing out every once in awhile (especially when taking hard lefts). And the steering column was ripped out - so all the wires underneath were exposed - making it seem like the van was hijacked or something.
Also the power windows didn't work.
Ok - so thats the background to my little near death moment - u might be thinking that any ride in a van that deranged would be considered a near death experience...well thats technically true - but anywho - i was sufficiently comfortable enough riding it that i thought it wasn't too big of a deal...
So today just happened to be a really crappy, rainy day...the rain poured down so hard that parts of the warehouse i was working in was flooded. The thing about my van is that to get the wipers to work - u have to connect two wires below the steering column (yes i know - ghetto is an understatement). But by connecting these two wires - u disable the heater and the indicator lights (shortcircuits it out for some reason). *Yes yes i know i know - it's a death trap*. But having no choice - i had to take the hunk of junk home with me - i decided to brave the mean streets of T Dot.
On my way home from work, i was at an intersection with traffic flowing one-way in front of me. I had difficulty seeing anything at all - what with the downpour - and i had to try and connect the wires ever so often to get the windshield to clear up for a split second. So while doing so - it shortcircuits my lights and voila - my indicators no longer work...however - i didn't notice them not working - and because of the downpour i couldnt really hear the 'clickedy-clicks' of the indicator. So i signal and try to move through traffic.
Bad idea.
I saw 3 cars coming right at me - all from my passenger side window. And this was Richmond street - so they were doing something like 70 km/hr down a hill. I slammed my brakes and turned my head and saw two lights right through my passenger side window. And u have to understand - it was like directly in my line of sight - hence - its trajectory would have eventually nailed me and sent me flying backwards - probably sending a few cylinders from the back through my body just in case i wasn't dead and/or dying from the initial impact. AS soon as i saw the headlights - i remember thinking:
This is it - and - it's gonna hurt. (i kid you not)
Well - i saw the lights come towards me almost in slow mo - it felt like there was time for me to do something - even though i knew it was careening at me at like 60 or 70 km/hr. All i have to say is that - whoever was behind that wheel was a stunt driver or a really crazy mo-fo on 4 wheels - cause he managed to barely swerve past me and skidded a bit while everyone starting honking their hearts out in disbelief...
It was one of the most surreal few seconds of my life. I still cannot figure out how i managed NOT to get T-boned. My heart jumped into my throat and i think i would have peed my pants if i wasnt allready dehydrated from sweating profusly inside the van (yes its quite hot inside - courtesy of all that metal equipment).
All i can say is that - i'm glad i don't have to spend the next few months in a rehab clinic....
That and the air smells soo much fresher now - it's like i have a whole new perspective on life now.....ahhh - the sweet sweet smell of a gasoline free environment....
Lemme give you some background perspective on the events leading upto the above mentioned experience/event.
I usually drive my dad's beat up Aerostar to work. By beat up - i don't mean a few scratches on the sides...it literally looks and drives like it was on the wrong end of a Transformer's showdown. The back seats of the van were completely ripped apart and in its place, a coring machine, an electrical generator and construction cylinders were thrown in. Suffice to say that if the van got hit - all that stuff in the back would either impale and/or decapitate whoever was in the front two seats... Also - the generator smelt entirely of gasoline - hence the entire interior smells like a gas station.
Well - that's not the half of it - the van was also in a previous accident (by yours truly ofcourse) which led to the entire passenger side bumper being smashed awkwardly into the passenger side tires. Hence we had to rip that side of the bumper out. The van also had 2 cracks on the windshield that ran from post to post. The side indicator lights were unhinged and would swing out every once in awhile (especially when taking hard lefts). And the steering column was ripped out - so all the wires underneath were exposed - making it seem like the van was hijacked or something.
Also the power windows didn't work.
Ok - so thats the background to my little near death moment - u might be thinking that any ride in a van that deranged would be considered a near death experience...well thats technically true - but anywho - i was sufficiently comfortable enough riding it that i thought it wasn't too big of a deal...
So today just happened to be a really crappy, rainy day...the rain poured down so hard that parts of the warehouse i was working in was flooded. The thing about my van is that to get the wipers to work - u have to connect two wires below the steering column (yes i know - ghetto is an understatement). But by connecting these two wires - u disable the heater and the indicator lights (shortcircuits it out for some reason). *Yes yes i know i know - it's a death trap*. But having no choice - i had to take the hunk of junk home with me - i decided to brave the mean streets of T Dot.
On my way home from work, i was at an intersection with traffic flowing one-way in front of me. I had difficulty seeing anything at all - what with the downpour - and i had to try and connect the wires ever so often to get the windshield to clear up for a split second. So while doing so - it shortcircuits my lights and voila - my indicators no longer work...however - i didn't notice them not working - and because of the downpour i couldnt really hear the 'clickedy-clicks' of the indicator. So i signal and try to move through traffic.
Bad idea.
I saw 3 cars coming right at me - all from my passenger side window. And this was Richmond street - so they were doing something like 70 km/hr down a hill. I slammed my brakes and turned my head and saw two lights right through my passenger side window. And u have to understand - it was like directly in my line of sight - hence - its trajectory would have eventually nailed me and sent me flying backwards - probably sending a few cylinders from the back through my body just in case i wasn't dead and/or dying from the initial impact. AS soon as i saw the headlights - i remember thinking:
This is it - and - it's gonna hurt. (i kid you not)
Well - i saw the lights come towards me almost in slow mo - it felt like there was time for me to do something - even though i knew it was careening at me at like 60 or 70 km/hr. All i have to say is that - whoever was behind that wheel was a stunt driver or a really crazy mo-fo on 4 wheels - cause he managed to barely swerve past me and skidded a bit while everyone starting honking their hearts out in disbelief...
It was one of the most surreal few seconds of my life. I still cannot figure out how i managed NOT to get T-boned. My heart jumped into my throat and i think i would have peed my pants if i wasnt allready dehydrated from sweating profusly inside the van (yes its quite hot inside - courtesy of all that metal equipment).
All i can say is that - i'm glad i don't have to spend the next few months in a rehab clinic....
That and the air smells soo much fresher now - it's like i have a whole new perspective on life now.....ahhh - the sweet sweet smell of a gasoline free environment....
Thursday, October 4, 2007
A Boy and His Python
Don't know if everyone's seen this....
quite a touching little story...
so cute...
quite a touching little story...
so cute...
Monday, October 1, 2007
Air Native N7
Nike last week announced the launch of a new shoe that is being unveiled as the first shoe designed specifically for Native American Indians. In fact, the campaign is being branded as an effort aiming to promote fitness in what they describe as a population with high obesity rates.
They say that the "Air Native N7" is designed with a larger fit for the distinct foot shape of American Indians, and has a culturally specific look.
Nike has said that all profits from the sale of the shoe will be reinvested in health programs for tribal lands. The company anticipates selling at least 10,000 pairs and raising $200,000 for tribal programs. At $42.80 wholesale, they claim that it represents less of a financial opportunity and more of a goodwill and branding effort.
Mash's Thoughts:
Nike's a hater. A filthy rich, corporate, sweat-shop running hater. Why, you ask? Sure they designed a shoe specifically for the Native Indians as a good cause (or so they say) with a reasonably affordable price, but did they design a shoe for the African-born-obese-fella-with-an-Indian- Subcontinental-background-who-usually-buys-Reebok-
and-Adidas-branded-shoes-anyways? No. I didn't think so.
I mean, I was really, really looking forward to the Air Chamras, endorsed by like, Russell Peters or something.
I mean, they could come out with a whole new line of products that would be both critically and financially successful.
Maybe the Sweat-Absorbent Kurta? (We all know, this particular target market sweats a lot)
Or maybe even the Wind-Repellent Shawl for the ladies.
Hmm. Actually,wait...
AB and Hamza...
...Why aren't WE capitalizing on this opportunity???!?!?!
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