This holiday season many of us are in the spirit of giving (and
receiving) gifts. And in that spirit - here is a clip from Dane
Cooks comedy tour - that i stumbled upon. It's an old clip and
many of you have probably seen it already - but for those who
haven't - it's jam packed with lots of profanity and holiday cheer.
(i'll prolly get sued for bootlegging this off of youtube).
(AGAIN - there is a LOT of profanity - viewer indiscretion is advised)
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Episode 5
[Episode 5]
[3.5 Years Before Episode 1]
It was the day of her convocation
She squirmed around in her seat
Excitement gleamed all over her face
She tried hard to be discrete
She glanced at her brothers, trying to be subtle
They snickered at her attempt
In any case, they were so proud of her
She’d go and fulfill what she’d dreamt
Her ambitions were greater than theirs
These dreams of hers, she held them dear
Her brothers knew that she would excel
In her work as an engineer
She’d take care of her brothers, as they’d done for her
Working to pay her tuition
All their decisions were based on each other
It was their family tradition
Soon after all the ceremonies concluded
An explosion nearby was heard
Several more ensued in progression
The unthinkable had occurred…
[End of Episode 5]
[Read Episode 6]
[3.5 Years Before Episode 1]
It was the day of her convocation
She squirmed around in her seat
Excitement gleamed all over her face
She tried hard to be discrete
She glanced at her brothers, trying to be subtle
They snickered at her attempt
In any case, they were so proud of her
She’d go and fulfill what she’d dreamt
Her ambitions were greater than theirs
These dreams of hers, she held them dear
Her brothers knew that she would excel
In her work as an engineer
She’d take care of her brothers, as they’d done for her
Working to pay her tuition
All their decisions were based on each other
It was their family tradition
Soon after all the ceremonies concluded
An explosion nearby was heard
Several more ensued in progression
The unthinkable had occurred…
[End of Episode 5]
[Read Episode 6]
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Some common questions on Islam...
1) Why does Islam encourage the killing of its followers if they refuse to wear the hijab?
Because we hate hair. Don't show us hair, we won't show you knife, gun, or anything else.
2) Why does Islam encourage beating of women?
Because they don't cook.
3) Why does Islam promote violence and bloodshed?
In Islam, we believe that instead of a gorilla-like creature, we evolutionarily descended from werewolves. We crave blood occasionally. This applies for converts who are not born Islamicized.
4) Is Islam really a peaceful religion?
No. History shows that before Islam, more than 1400 years ago, there was no violence. Violence only started when Islam came.
5) But we don't want that here. Go back to your home country!
Will you buy me my fare? I got a lot of relatives down there that I'd love to visit. Unfortunately that country will call me a lame native (for paying the taxes, providing service, and contributing in many other ways to another country's affairs), and tell me to go back to that country, which is yours. But, bless you, I can definitely use vacations.
6) Why are Mozlimps ugly?
Sorry.
7) Why are you called that anyway?
Actually we're called Muslims, it is derived from...ahh forget it. Because most of us have a weird limp. Mozlimp. We're still trying to reach your species' levels with regards to evolution. You guys are so perfect in every way.
8) I like your movies. You know, the ones where you Islamicized Mozlimps dance together in rain, and some high-pitch girl shrills, and the guy dances like a chicken with epilepsy, and before you can put it all together, the scene changes and you are now on a mountain in a new outfit and still dancing.
Thank you.
9) How do you eat or drink with that black cloth on you!?
You ever notice the bulge from the side? That's the IV pole. Yeah.
10) What's with the dot on your forehead?
The dot on our forehead? The dot on--Oh! No that's--ahh forget it. It's the burn-in our women get due to excessive weapon-laser targeting there.
Update:
11) So I saw this Mozlimp who was skating and fell over and took down a white woman too.
On behalf of all Muslims, I would like to apologize. Islam does not condone such violence.
12) What is your opinion of the Danish cartoons?
Umm, to be honest, I only enjoy English cartoons like the Simpsons or Family Guy.
To be continued...possibly.
Because we hate hair. Don't show us hair, we won't show you knife, gun, or anything else.
2) Why does Islam encourage beating of women?
Because they don't cook.
3) Why does Islam promote violence and bloodshed?
In Islam, we believe that instead of a gorilla-like creature, we evolutionarily descended from werewolves. We crave blood occasionally. This applies for converts who are not born Islamicized.
4) Is Islam really a peaceful religion?
No. History shows that before Islam, more than 1400 years ago, there was no violence. Violence only started when Islam came.
5) But we don't want that here. Go back to your home country!
Will you buy me my fare? I got a lot of relatives down there that I'd love to visit. Unfortunately that country will call me a lame native (for paying the taxes, providing service, and contributing in many other ways to another country's affairs), and tell me to go back to that country, which is yours. But, bless you, I can definitely use vacations.
6) Why are Mozlimps ugly?
Sorry.
7) Why are you called that anyway?
Actually we're called Muslims, it is derived from...ahh forget it. Because most of us have a weird limp. Mozlimp. We're still trying to reach your species' levels with regards to evolution. You guys are so perfect in every way.
8) I like your movies. You know, the ones where you Islamicized Mozlimps dance together in rain, and some high-pitch girl shrills, and the guy dances like a chicken with epilepsy, and before you can put it all together, the scene changes and you are now on a mountain in a new outfit and still dancing.
Thank you.
9) How do you eat or drink with that black cloth on you!?
You ever notice the bulge from the side? That's the IV pole. Yeah.
10) What's with the dot on your forehead?
The dot on our forehead? The dot on--Oh! No that's--ahh forget it. It's the burn-in our women get due to excessive weapon-laser targeting there.
Update:
11) So I saw this Mozlimp who was skating and fell over and took down a white woman too.
On behalf of all Muslims, I would like to apologize. Islam does not condone such violence.
12) What is your opinion of the Danish cartoons?
Umm, to be honest, I only enjoy English cartoons like the Simpsons or Family Guy.
To be continued...possibly.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Episode 4
[Episode 4]
[7.6 seconds after Episode 3]
Right off the bat, she recognized
The number that was calling
The fact that they would even bother
Was moderately appalling
She clicked the answer key
And put the phone against her ear
“How’d you get this number, Heath?
I thought you’d disappeared”
Argonne Heath had been a friend
He could have helped support
But when the trials went back and forth
He wasn’t at the court
With all being held against them
He could have swayed the weight
The value of his testimony
Was what they would debate
“Why do you want to help now, Heath?”
She was fairly furious
Her conscience considered why Argonne
Seemed clearly more than curious…
[End of Episode 4]
[Read Episode 5]
[7.6 seconds after Episode 3]
Right off the bat, she recognized
The number that was calling
The fact that they would even bother
Was moderately appalling
She clicked the answer key
And put the phone against her ear
“How’d you get this number, Heath?
I thought you’d disappeared”
Argonne Heath had been a friend
He could have helped support
But when the trials went back and forth
He wasn’t at the court
With all being held against them
He could have swayed the weight
The value of his testimony
Was what they would debate
“Why do you want to help now, Heath?”
She was fairly furious
Her conscience considered why Argonne
Seemed clearly more than curious…
[End of Episode 4]
[Read Episode 5]
Episode 3
[Episode 3]
[43 days after Episode 2]
A single tear rolled down her cheek
She walked into aisle number three
There was bittersweet joy in her liberation
As her brothers still were not free
A staff member at the depot
Asked if everything was alright
“No” she replied, “but I’ll be just fine”
She tried to remain polite
Her brothers remained in their prison
The trial was when she’d seem them last
Consumed with emotion, a sudden evoking
Came to her regarding the past
She swore to duly bring justice
To those who had her locked up
She tried to map a starting point
She looked for the plan to concoct up
She knew what she had to do
She knew that they’d taken the fall
The crisis, as she knew it, got larger
When she received a telephone call…
[End of Episode 3]
[Read Episode 4]
[43 days after Episode 2]
A single tear rolled down her cheek
She walked into aisle number three
There was bittersweet joy in her liberation
As her brothers still were not free
A staff member at the depot
Asked if everything was alright
“No” she replied, “but I’ll be just fine”
She tried to remain polite
Her brothers remained in their prison
The trial was when she’d seem them last
Consumed with emotion, a sudden evoking
Came to her regarding the past
She swore to duly bring justice
To those who had her locked up
She tried to map a starting point
She looked for the plan to concoct up
She knew what she had to do
She knew that they’d taken the fall
The crisis, as she knew it, got larger
When she received a telephone call…
[End of Episode 3]
[Read Episode 4]
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Episode 2
[Episode 2]
[Set 14 years after Episode 1]
She lay still, simply staring at the wall
It seemed that her mind was but clear
So surreal, she thought she’d feel a bit different
Her thoughts started to disappear…
But then she remembered all the details
The time that had passed since the trial
The claims against her that’d found her guilty
May’ve left her in states of denial
But she knew so well that she could prove
Her innocence and her brothers’ as well
Her husband though, she could not protect
He had been slain in his cell
For the last dozen years, she struggled to live
Knowing that her husband was gone
But then she decided that he’d have wanted
Her to get up and carry on
Initially sentenced for life in the slammer
She felt that she lived with no soul
But after many years of abiding in goodness
She was granted a chance for parole….
[end of Episode 2]
[Read Episode 3]
[Set 14 years after Episode 1]
She lay still, simply staring at the wall
It seemed that her mind was but clear
So surreal, she thought she’d feel a bit different
Her thoughts started to disappear…
But then she remembered all the details
The time that had passed since the trial
The claims against her that’d found her guilty
May’ve left her in states of denial
But she knew so well that she could prove
Her innocence and her brothers’ as well
Her husband though, she could not protect
He had been slain in his cell
For the last dozen years, she struggled to live
Knowing that her husband was gone
But then she decided that he’d have wanted
Her to get up and carry on
Initially sentenced for life in the slammer
She felt that she lived with no soul
But after many years of abiding in goodness
She was granted a chance for parole….
[end of Episode 2]
[Read Episode 3]
Episode 1
Just a disclaimer. I write these with no direction. I mean, I don't even have an idea of what the "crime" is yet. I think I'll get AB's help for that (no connotations or anything :P). But yeah, I hope you guys enjoy. (It's mostly filler material till we have time to properly blog)
[Episode 1]
Anticipation had consumed the court room
The trial had been long and grueling
The room had been buzzing with ambient noise
Eagerly, they’d wait for the ruling
They’d fervently denied the accusations
The charges had been met with fury
Their innocent lives left hung in the hands
Of the judge and the twelve member jury
The crime of the alleged perpetrators
Was rather ambiguous at best
The prosecution played a prominent part
To keep the defendants distressed
The punishment would be maximum sentence
Their lives would be flushed in a prison
Sensing the system wasn’t on their side
They let fate decide the decision
The jury stepped out, and the verdict came in
They were declared to be guilty as charged
Their families sobbed as the reporters mobbed
The crisis would further be enlarged
[End of Episode 1]
[Read Episode 2]
[Episode 1]
Anticipation had consumed the court room
The trial had been long and grueling
The room had been buzzing with ambient noise
Eagerly, they’d wait for the ruling
They’d fervently denied the accusations
The charges had been met with fury
Their innocent lives left hung in the hands
Of the judge and the twelve member jury
The crime of the alleged perpetrators
Was rather ambiguous at best
The prosecution played a prominent part
To keep the defendants distressed
The punishment would be maximum sentence
Their lives would be flushed in a prison
Sensing the system wasn’t on their side
They let fate decide the decision
The jury stepped out, and the verdict came in
They were declared to be guilty as charged
Their families sobbed as the reporters mobbed
The crisis would further be enlarged
[End of Episode 1]
[Read Episode 2]
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