Can you say...Autocracy??

As of late we've had some sub par attempts at humour these past few weeks (no offense Hamza and Mash). In an attempt to stem the tide of humourless posts (again - no offence Hamza and Mash) - i would like to propose a filtration system here at Smarticulators Inc (when did we become a corporation u ask? good question - i will proceed to ignore it - u smart aleck homo...sapiens).

Anywho - this filtration system will be based on meeting certain criteria for any and all future posts (sorry for not consulting with u two losers....again - no offence).

Basically my criteria is very simple:

1) The post must be short - perhaps not longer than a few sentences - thereby preventing you guys from posting anything of real relevance.

2) The post must contain at least 3 references as to why i'm greater than u two losers (no offence ofcourse).

3) The post can either start with "I wish i was AB because..." or "AB is my hero because..." - u guys have the option of chosing between the two...i'm not that picky really...

That's pretty much all i expect from here on out. And remember...here at Smarticulators Inc - we believe we can make a difference (pending AB's approval ofcourse...)

Random conversation between Mash and me

Hamza says:

do u know that backward dude, waht's his name, hissam?

Mash says:

?

Hamza says:

yeah man

Hamza says:

this guy is mad backward

Hamza says:

i think u know him

Hamza says:

hssam

Hamza says:

never talked to him?

Mash says:

hisham?

Hamza says:

no not him

Mash says:

and backward in what sense?

Hamza says:

everything bro!

Hamza says:

from his name to like his beliefs--everything!

Mash says:

no kidding eh?

Hamza says:

does it sound like i'm kiddin

Mash says:

it's usually hard to say

Mash says:

but i guess not

Mash says:

utsc guy?

Hamza says:

yup

Mash says:

what year?

Mash says:

graduate?

Hamza says:

i think he's 4th...but like i said, everything is backwards with hssam

Mash says:

you dont have him on facebook do u?

Hamza says:

if he's 4th year he's 1st year, if he's fat, he's not, if he's dumb he's not

Hamza says:

i do actually

Hamza says:

you won't find him on my profile though

Mash says:

oh

Mash says:

k

Hamza says:

his name is backwardly spelt on my friends list

Hamza says:

bro?

Mash says:

sorry

Mash says:

mind kinda shifted back o the raptors

Mash says:

so it's spelled massih

Mash says:

?

Mash says:

missah

Hamza says:

where'd u get the i from

Hamza says:

u unobservant fool

Mash says:

lol

Mash says:

my bad hahaha

Hamza says:

so did u pull out his profile?

Mash says:

nope

Mash says:

so massh?

Hamza says:

yup

Mash says:

can't pull it out

Hamza says:

how come

Mash says:

Hamza doesn't have any friends listed with the name massh.

Hamza says:

go to my friends list bro

Mash says:

i did

Hamza says:

????

Hamza says:

what the hell

Hamza says:

i'm talking to him right now

Hamza says:

did he delete his account again

Hamza says:

ok sorry bout that bro, i thought u knew mash

Mash says:

mash?

Mash says:

no bro, i don't know any mash, care to share more details?

Hamza says:

yeah, his BACKWARDS name is HSAM and I"M TALKING TO HIM RIGHT NOW, LIKE THIS VERY MOMENT

Mash says:

lol bro, stop with the screaming, how am i supposed to knwo who ur talkign to

Mash says:

hmmm, backward hsam, i wonder who that could be, i mean this very moment ur talking to me, not some guy named (backwardly) hsam???

Hamza says:

lol...aren't u a blonde today...u don't get it eh?

Mash says:

lol...u talking about AB?

Hamza says:

no i'm talking about you

Mash says:

k wtf???

Hamza says:

figure it out guy...

Mash says:

i so don't get it man...help me out...

Hamza says:

whats ur name backward bro?

Mash says:

rukhsam?

Hamza says:

oh gosh...ok now take the ruk part out...

Mash says:

why

Hamza says:

frikkin guy, just do it!

Mash says:

k...hsam...? OH!!!!! hhahahahah! LOL good one...

Hamza says:

u totally killed it man

2/3 and 1/4 of The Smarticulators Anthem

The Smarticulators Anthem (Mind the flow...it's terrible I know...but it's 3am and I'm shleeepy.)

We're bloggers in dis, guys! And we're bloggers in disguise
And that's exactly what our little blogger name implies
When you get up in this space, we act as stipulators
To make sure y'all respect us, the Smarticulators

We gots...

Hamzzzzz Jalal, Guaranteed Halaal
you can't have rice and chicken, unless you got the daal
I didn't say he's dull, for, he's the daal indeed
He's lookin for a lady, for all of y'all in need
But you better not impede, this man of quicks and wits
To a short cat like me, Hamzzz stands at 6-foot-6
You can't damage him, so...how you gonna wreck'im?
The man has better looks than your boy David Beckham (ohhhh!!)
Every time you see him, you be like, whoa you've gotten taller
And no one does it better when its time to pop the collar
So the next time you see him, say hello to this fellow
And watch him pimp the colour purple like Donatello
I said before and I say it again, this man is gal-free
You wanna hook up with him? just head over to Kal-gree!

Now we got AB, and maybe, youuuuuuuuu know
That a penny of his thoughts trades higher than a Euuuuuuuuuuuuro
Busyness is AB's primary business
He leaves you in circles with his wit, causing dizziness
He could be anything he wanted, yes, even Robocop
Because he's got skilllllz on that Adobe Photoshop
He's mastered the program, oh yes he's done his homework
Heck, even Hamzz made him look like Whoopi Goldberg
He's got massive wit, within his chit-chatter
He wants your money too, currency doesn't matter.
Haters claim that he's in the process of balding
Well watch when his head is smoother than a Spalding
His game's already smooth, a sophisticated mammal
And there ain't no doubt that he's the coolest Tamil
The man is more inventive than Mr. Thomas Edison
Better recognize the man studyin Paramedicine.

And then there was Mash, who's thoughts are kinda creepy
The truth is right now, he's feelin kinda sleepy
To ensure that he's taking care of his-health
He's won't spend any time talking about himself

I'm going to bed. =D

What do I want part 1

I have been meaning to advertise my position for the longest while, but have just been slightly busy. However, lately a lot of girls have been asking me out, and so, like anything else in life, I have conditions. Before I get into that, I wanted to share some recent conversations on MSN:

~~~~~~******~~~~~~

Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
yeah, that's true
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
wat??
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
oye!
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
ji?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
u wanna go catch a movie or sumtim tomorrow night?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
lol is hamza askin me outtzzz????
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hehe, ur hot man...who wouldn't?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
say wat?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
why the hell u makin me repeat what i just wrote...its frikkin msn, just scroll up dummy
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
have u even seen me b4?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
no and don't have to. u don't need to see hotness to know hotness..
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
wtf? u asshole, how could you say somethin stupid like that, and here i was gettin so serious too...u kno wat, u...just get out of my life
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
u askin me out gudiyaa?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
yes, out of my life and i'm blockin u right this moment, good bye u ass
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
siiiick, man u girls love me, always askin me out

~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Here's another example:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~

Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
what do you mean! i think we men were supposed to be breadwinners and you 'gals' supposed to stay home and look after the food and kids
~* Sumedha *~ says:
ok ok, enough jokin yo...lol...i'm serious now, ur gettin on my nerves..how many times i gotta tell you i'm feminist and all, and there are certain things in life i don't appreciate, not even as jokes
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
what, can't handle the truth?
~* Sumedha *~ says:
what??
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
look, it's simple human nature man. if you look throughout history, we men have to take care of you girls and provide for you
~* Sumedha *~ says:
we can SO look after ourselves you chauvinistic ass, i cant believe u
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
and pleasure you and make sure you are comfortable in the home...but dammit man, stop all this nonsense talk of 'oh woman = man'--no they don't! even the titles are different!
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
noooooo man, you guys can definitely take care of yourself. i'm not saying you can't, it's just that the world is a rough battleground and i don't want pretty jewels getting rust out there. beauty should be kept insde, pearls within the shell.
~* Sumedha *~ says:
omg, i can't believe you, are you being serious!!! first of all you dumb grad student in science, jewel's don't rust. secondly, what the hell is up with this weakling woman attitude? i dont get it man, i KNOW you're not like this. well i hope you aren't...i don't know anymore, i'm confused. are you really seroius about all this?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
sumedha, look, i am the biggest woman's equality person out there. ask anyone of the people who know me...i ALWAYS stand up for you guys
~* Sumedha *~ says:
umm...we don't need to be looked after like we're toddlers or something. but thanks for the thought.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
straight up. the point is that i do believe there are certain things women are just incapable of doing EFFICIENTLY; making money and being smart are not their domain.
~* Sumedha *~ says:
you pig! you are so unbelievably typical...i had hopes in you man...
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hooooooooooly crap...u know waht forget this...MSN is not the place to be serious, you're completely misunderstanding me. i love women yaar...in fact, i wanna marry one! speaking of marrying women, the first step is getting to know them. waht say?
~* Sumedha *~ says:
YEAH RIGHT. get the **** out of my life.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
oh hoh, SOMEONE wants to go out iwth me...
~* Sumedha *~ says:
wtf??? man, you are nice deep inside. i hope you don't ruin your personality with this stupid chauvinistic condescending shit that you're on about. in any case, i've had it with you. it was nice knowing you. have a nice life..goodbye hamza
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
whoa whoa wait, what the...???

~~~~~~******~~~~~~
A final example:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~

Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hey girl
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
hi!
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
wanna go out...?
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
...on a date, u mean?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:

y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
with u? pssh. yea, rite.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:

y r guys so damn idiotic! says:


~~~~~~******~~~~~~

So as you can see, I'm being asked out quite a lot these days. Naturally, all this is flattering, but I have got to approach things the right way. So, my next post will be an outline of what qualities I am looking for in my girl. Until then, girls, try and resist me. You too, AB and Mash.

NONE OF THESE CONVOS TOOK PLACE. NONE OF THESE PEOPLE EXIST. I JUST MADE IT UP. It's weird how no one of the readers so far got that.

Time for blog administrators' first (and secret) meeting.

AB, Mash, I would like to put forth a motion to change our blog name. Just the latter half of it: "bloggers in disguise". (Who the hell came up with this name anyway? Was it you, AB?) Clearly we're not disguising that we're blogging. But that's not the reason for this.

I have a lot of readers who just don't pick up on the fact that this blog is a collaborated venture. They think it's all me (since they don't know you). And they praise me incessantly; for example, according to them, the best entry that's been written is about my "Near Death Experience". (Hamzz giggles like a school girl.)

But, you know, being trained as a Masters student has taught me an important thing in life: how to read papers.

Back to the topic at hand: I had a dream last night in which I stole something from someone and then I was being chased by pitbulls because of it. So, I need to stop stealing your credit, just like you both need to stop stealing mine. (I can just see Mash gaining all the sympathies from the girlies for his terrible landlord experience. Don't think I didn't know; it doesn't help when you decide to mack the same girls that I am.)

So let's change the name and incorporate the word "collaboration" in there somehow. What say yous?

BTW, if you're not AB and Mash, you can still attend this secret meeting, and, in fact, contribute as well. Mostly likely though we will not care for what you have to say. So please do comment, your suggestions are most welcome (futile).

The first (secretly exclusive) meeting was co-chaired and attended by the following delegates in the fall of 2007 (may their so-called humour be accepted and syndicated into a national parody one day):