This holiday season many of us are in the spirit of giving (and
receiving) gifts. And in that spirit - here is a clip from Dane
Cooks comedy tour - that i stumbled upon. It's an old clip and
many of you have probably seen it already - but for those who
haven't - it's jam packed with lots of profanity and holiday cheer.
(i'll prolly get sued for bootlegging this off of youtube).
(AGAIN - there is a LOT of profanity - viewer indiscretion is advised)
Friday, December 21, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Episode 5
[Episode 5]
[3.5 Years Before Episode 1]
It was the day of her convocation
She squirmed around in her seat
Excitement gleamed all over her face
She tried hard to be discrete
She glanced at her brothers, trying to be subtle
They snickered at her attempt
In any case, they were so proud of her
She’d go and fulfill what she’d dreamt
Her ambitions were greater than theirs
These dreams of hers, she held them dear
Her brothers knew that she would excel
In her work as an engineer
She’d take care of her brothers, as they’d done for her
Working to pay her tuition
All their decisions were based on each other
It was their family tradition
Soon after all the ceremonies concluded
An explosion nearby was heard
Several more ensued in progression
The unthinkable had occurred…
[End of Episode 5]
[Read Episode 6]
[3.5 Years Before Episode 1]
It was the day of her convocation
She squirmed around in her seat
Excitement gleamed all over her face
She tried hard to be discrete
She glanced at her brothers, trying to be subtle
They snickered at her attempt
In any case, they were so proud of her
She’d go and fulfill what she’d dreamt
Her ambitions were greater than theirs
These dreams of hers, she held them dear
Her brothers knew that she would excel
In her work as an engineer
She’d take care of her brothers, as they’d done for her
Working to pay her tuition
All their decisions were based on each other
It was their family tradition
Soon after all the ceremonies concluded
An explosion nearby was heard
Several more ensued in progression
The unthinkable had occurred…
[End of Episode 5]
[Read Episode 6]
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Some common questions on Islam...
1) Why does Islam encourage the killing of its followers if they refuse to wear the hijab?
Because we hate hair. Don't show us hair, we won't show you knife, gun, or anything else.
2) Why does Islam encourage beating of women?
Because they don't cook.
3) Why does Islam promote violence and bloodshed?
In Islam, we believe that instead of a gorilla-like creature, we evolutionarily descended from werewolves. We crave blood occasionally. This applies for converts who are not born Islamicized.
4) Is Islam really a peaceful religion?
No. History shows that before Islam, more than 1400 years ago, there was no violence. Violence only started when Islam came.
5) But we don't want that here. Go back to your home country!
Will you buy me my fare? I got a lot of relatives down there that I'd love to visit. Unfortunately that country will call me a lame native (for paying the taxes, providing service, and contributing in many other ways to another country's affairs), and tell me to go back to that country, which is yours. But, bless you, I can definitely use vacations.
6) Why are Mozlimps ugly?
Sorry.
7) Why are you called that anyway?
Actually we're called Muslims, it is derived from...ahh forget it. Because most of us have a weird limp. Mozlimp. We're still trying to reach your species' levels with regards to evolution. You guys are so perfect in every way.
8) I like your movies. You know, the ones where you Islamicized Mozlimps dance together in rain, and some high-pitch girl shrills, and the guy dances like a chicken with epilepsy, and before you can put it all together, the scene changes and you are now on a mountain in a new outfit and still dancing.
Thank you.
9) How do you eat or drink with that black cloth on you!?
You ever notice the bulge from the side? That's the IV pole. Yeah.
10) What's with the dot on your forehead?
The dot on our forehead? The dot on--Oh! No that's--ahh forget it. It's the burn-in our women get due to excessive weapon-laser targeting there.
Update:
11) So I saw this Mozlimp who was skating and fell over and took down a white woman too.
On behalf of all Muslims, I would like to apologize. Islam does not condone such violence.
12) What is your opinion of the Danish cartoons?
Umm, to be honest, I only enjoy English cartoons like the Simpsons or Family Guy.
To be continued...possibly.
Because we hate hair. Don't show us hair, we won't show you knife, gun, or anything else.
2) Why does Islam encourage beating of women?
Because they don't cook.
3) Why does Islam promote violence and bloodshed?
In Islam, we believe that instead of a gorilla-like creature, we evolutionarily descended from werewolves. We crave blood occasionally. This applies for converts who are not born Islamicized.
4) Is Islam really a peaceful religion?
No. History shows that before Islam, more than 1400 years ago, there was no violence. Violence only started when Islam came.
5) But we don't want that here. Go back to your home country!
Will you buy me my fare? I got a lot of relatives down there that I'd love to visit. Unfortunately that country will call me a lame native (for paying the taxes, providing service, and contributing in many other ways to another country's affairs), and tell me to go back to that country, which is yours. But, bless you, I can definitely use vacations.
6) Why are Mozlimps ugly?
Sorry.
7) Why are you called that anyway?
Actually we're called Muslims, it is derived from...ahh forget it. Because most of us have a weird limp. Mozlimp. We're still trying to reach your species' levels with regards to evolution. You guys are so perfect in every way.
8) I like your movies. You know, the ones where you Islamicized Mozlimps dance together in rain, and some high-pitch girl shrills, and the guy dances like a chicken with epilepsy, and before you can put it all together, the scene changes and you are now on a mountain in a new outfit and still dancing.
Thank you.
9) How do you eat or drink with that black cloth on you!?
You ever notice the bulge from the side? That's the IV pole. Yeah.
10) What's with the dot on your forehead?
The dot on our forehead? The dot on--Oh! No that's--ahh forget it. It's the burn-in our women get due to excessive weapon-laser targeting there.
Update:
11) So I saw this Mozlimp who was skating and fell over and took down a white woman too.
On behalf of all Muslims, I would like to apologize. Islam does not condone such violence.
12) What is your opinion of the Danish cartoons?
Umm, to be honest, I only enjoy English cartoons like the Simpsons or Family Guy.
To be continued...possibly.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Episode 4
[Episode 4]
[7.6 seconds after Episode 3]
Right off the bat, she recognized
The number that was calling
The fact that they would even bother
Was moderately appalling
She clicked the answer key
And put the phone against her ear
“How’d you get this number, Heath?
I thought you’d disappeared”
Argonne Heath had been a friend
He could have helped support
But when the trials went back and forth
He wasn’t at the court
With all being held against them
He could have swayed the weight
The value of his testimony
Was what they would debate
“Why do you want to help now, Heath?”
She was fairly furious
Her conscience considered why Argonne
Seemed clearly more than curious…
[End of Episode 4]
[Read Episode 5]
[7.6 seconds after Episode 3]
Right off the bat, she recognized
The number that was calling
The fact that they would even bother
Was moderately appalling
She clicked the answer key
And put the phone against her ear
“How’d you get this number, Heath?
I thought you’d disappeared”
Argonne Heath had been a friend
He could have helped support
But when the trials went back and forth
He wasn’t at the court
With all being held against them
He could have swayed the weight
The value of his testimony
Was what they would debate
“Why do you want to help now, Heath?”
She was fairly furious
Her conscience considered why Argonne
Seemed clearly more than curious…
[End of Episode 4]
[Read Episode 5]
Episode 3
[Episode 3]
[43 days after Episode 2]
A single tear rolled down her cheek
She walked into aisle number three
There was bittersweet joy in her liberation
As her brothers still were not free
A staff member at the depot
Asked if everything was alright
“No” she replied, “but I’ll be just fine”
She tried to remain polite
Her brothers remained in their prison
The trial was when she’d seem them last
Consumed with emotion, a sudden evoking
Came to her regarding the past
She swore to duly bring justice
To those who had her locked up
She tried to map a starting point
She looked for the plan to concoct up
She knew what she had to do
She knew that they’d taken the fall
The crisis, as she knew it, got larger
When she received a telephone call…
[End of Episode 3]
[Read Episode 4]
[43 days after Episode 2]
A single tear rolled down her cheek
She walked into aisle number three
There was bittersweet joy in her liberation
As her brothers still were not free
A staff member at the depot
Asked if everything was alright
“No” she replied, “but I’ll be just fine”
She tried to remain polite
Her brothers remained in their prison
The trial was when she’d seem them last
Consumed with emotion, a sudden evoking
Came to her regarding the past
She swore to duly bring justice
To those who had her locked up
She tried to map a starting point
She looked for the plan to concoct up
She knew what she had to do
She knew that they’d taken the fall
The crisis, as she knew it, got larger
When she received a telephone call…
[End of Episode 3]
[Read Episode 4]
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Episode 2
[Episode 2]
[Set 14 years after Episode 1]
She lay still, simply staring at the wall
It seemed that her mind was but clear
So surreal, she thought she’d feel a bit different
Her thoughts started to disappear…
But then she remembered all the details
The time that had passed since the trial
The claims against her that’d found her guilty
May’ve left her in states of denial
But she knew so well that she could prove
Her innocence and her brothers’ as well
Her husband though, she could not protect
He had been slain in his cell
For the last dozen years, she struggled to live
Knowing that her husband was gone
But then she decided that he’d have wanted
Her to get up and carry on
Initially sentenced for life in the slammer
She felt that she lived with no soul
But after many years of abiding in goodness
She was granted a chance for parole….
[end of Episode 2]
[Read Episode 3]
[Set 14 years after Episode 1]
She lay still, simply staring at the wall
It seemed that her mind was but clear
So surreal, she thought she’d feel a bit different
Her thoughts started to disappear…
But then she remembered all the details
The time that had passed since the trial
The claims against her that’d found her guilty
May’ve left her in states of denial
But she knew so well that she could prove
Her innocence and her brothers’ as well
Her husband though, she could not protect
He had been slain in his cell
For the last dozen years, she struggled to live
Knowing that her husband was gone
But then she decided that he’d have wanted
Her to get up and carry on
Initially sentenced for life in the slammer
She felt that she lived with no soul
But after many years of abiding in goodness
She was granted a chance for parole….
[end of Episode 2]
[Read Episode 3]
Episode 1
Just a disclaimer. I write these with no direction. I mean, I don't even have an idea of what the "crime" is yet. I think I'll get AB's help for that (no connotations or anything :P). But yeah, I hope you guys enjoy. (It's mostly filler material till we have time to properly blog)
[Episode 1]
Anticipation had consumed the court room
The trial had been long and grueling
The room had been buzzing with ambient noise
Eagerly, they’d wait for the ruling
They’d fervently denied the accusations
The charges had been met with fury
Their innocent lives left hung in the hands
Of the judge and the twelve member jury
The crime of the alleged perpetrators
Was rather ambiguous at best
The prosecution played a prominent part
To keep the defendants distressed
The punishment would be maximum sentence
Their lives would be flushed in a prison
Sensing the system wasn’t on their side
They let fate decide the decision
The jury stepped out, and the verdict came in
They were declared to be guilty as charged
Their families sobbed as the reporters mobbed
The crisis would further be enlarged
[End of Episode 1]
[Read Episode 2]
[Episode 1]
Anticipation had consumed the court room
The trial had been long and grueling
The room had been buzzing with ambient noise
Eagerly, they’d wait for the ruling
They’d fervently denied the accusations
The charges had been met with fury
Their innocent lives left hung in the hands
Of the judge and the twelve member jury
The crime of the alleged perpetrators
Was rather ambiguous at best
The prosecution played a prominent part
To keep the defendants distressed
The punishment would be maximum sentence
Their lives would be flushed in a prison
Sensing the system wasn’t on their side
They let fate decide the decision
The jury stepped out, and the verdict came in
They were declared to be guilty as charged
Their families sobbed as the reporters mobbed
The crisis would further be enlarged
[End of Episode 1]
[Read Episode 2]
Friday, November 16, 2007
Can you say...Autocracy??
As of late we've had some sub par attempts at humour these past few weeks (no offense Hamza and Mash). In an attempt to stem the tide of humourless posts (again - no offence Hamza and Mash) - i would like to propose a filtration system here at Smarticulators Inc (when did we become a corporation u ask? good question - i will proceed to ignore it - u smart aleck homo...sapiens).
Anywho - this filtration system will be based on meeting certain criteria for any and all future posts (sorry for not consulting with u two losers....again - no offence).
Basically my criteria is very simple:
1) The post must be short - perhaps not longer than a few sentences - thereby preventing you guys from posting anything of real relevance.
2) The post must contain at least 3 references as to why i'm greater than u two losers (no offence ofcourse).
3) The post can either start with "I wish i was AB because..." or "AB is my hero because..." - u guys have the option of chosing between the two...i'm not that picky really...
That's pretty much all i expect from here on out. And remember...here at Smarticulators Inc - we believe we can make a difference (pending AB's approval ofcourse...)
Anywho - this filtration system will be based on meeting certain criteria for any and all future posts (sorry for not consulting with u two losers....again - no offence).
Basically my criteria is very simple:
1) The post must be short - perhaps not longer than a few sentences - thereby preventing you guys from posting anything of real relevance.
2) The post must contain at least 3 references as to why i'm greater than u two losers (no offence ofcourse).
3) The post can either start with "I wish i was AB because..." or "AB is my hero because..." - u guys have the option of chosing between the two...i'm not that picky really...
That's pretty much all i expect from here on out. And remember...here at Smarticulators Inc - we believe we can make a difference (pending AB's approval ofcourse...)
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Random conversation between Mash and me
Hamza says:
do u know that backward dude, waht's his name, hissam?
Mash says:
?
Hamza says:
yeah man
Hamza says:
this guy is mad backward
Hamza says:
i think u know him
Hamza says:
hssam
Hamza says:
never talked to him?
Mash says:
hisham?
Hamza says:
no not him
Mash says:
and backward in what sense?
Hamza says:
everything bro!
Hamza says:
from his name to like his beliefs--everything!
Mash says:
no kidding eh?
Hamza says:
does it sound like i'm kiddin
Mash says:
it's usually hard to say
Mash says:
but i guess not
Mash says:
utsc guy?
Hamza says:
yup
Mash says:
what year?
Mash says:
graduate?
Hamza says:
i think he's 4th...but like i said, everything is backwards with hssam
Mash says:
you dont have him on facebook do u?
Hamza says:
if he's 4th year he's 1st year, if he's fat, he's not, if he's dumb he's not
Hamza says:
i do actually
Hamza says:
you won't find him on my profile though
Mash says:
oh
Mash says:
k
Hamza says:
his name is backwardly spelt on my friends list
Hamza says:
bro?
Mash says:
sorry
Mash says:
mind kinda shifted back o the raptors
Mash says:
so it's spelled massih
Mash says:
?
Mash says:
missah
Hamza says:
where'd u get the i from
Hamza says:
u unobservant fool
Mash says:
lol
Mash says:
my bad hahaha
Hamza says:
so did u pull out his profile?
Mash says:
nope
Mash says:
so massh?
Hamza says:
yup
Mash says:
can't pull it out
Hamza says:
how come
Mash says:
Hamza doesn't have any friends listed with the name massh.
Hamza says:
go to my friends list bro
Mash says:
i did
Hamza says:
????
Hamza says:
what the hell
Hamza says:
i'm talking to him right now
Hamza says:
did he delete his account again
Hamza says:
ok sorry bout that bro, i thought u knew mash
Mash says:
mash?
Mash says:
Hamza says:
yeah, his BACKWARDS name is HSAM and I"M TALKING TO HIM RIGHT NOW, LIKE THIS VERY MOMENT
Mash says:
lol bro, stop with the screaming, how am i supposed to knwo who ur talkign to
Mash says:
hmmm, backward hsam, i wonder who that could be, i mean this very moment ur talking to me, not some guy named (backwardly) hsam???
Hamza says:
lol...aren't u a blonde today...u don't get it eh?
Mash says:
lol...u talking about AB?
Hamza says:
no i'm talking about you
Mash says:
k wtf???
Hamza says:
figure it out guy...
Mash says:
i so don't get it man...help me out...
Hamza says:
whats ur name backward bro?
Mash says:
rukhsam?
Hamza says:
oh gosh...ok now take the ruk part out...
Mash says:
why
Hamza says:
frikkin guy, just do it!
Mash says:
k...hsam...? OH!!!!! hhahahahah! LOL good one...
Hamza says:
Saturday, November 10, 2007
2/3 and 1/4 of The Smarticulators Anthem
The Smarticulators Anthem (Mind the flow...it's terrible I know...but it's 3am and I'm shleeepy.)
We're bloggers in dis, guys! And we're bloggers in disguise
And that's exactly what our little blogger name implies
When you get up in this space, we act as stipulators
To make sure y'all respect us, the Smarticulators
We gots...
Hamzzzzz Jalal, Guaranteed Halaal
you can't have rice and chicken, unless you got the daal
I didn't say he's dull, for, he's the daal indeed
He's lookin for a lady, for all of y'all in need
But you better not impede, this man of quicks and wits
To a short cat like me, Hamzzz stands at 6-foot-6
You can't damage him, so...how you gonna wreck'im?
The man has better looks than your boy David Beckham (ohhhh!!)
Every time you see him, you be like, whoa you've gotten taller
And no one does it better when its time to pop the collar
So the next time you see him, say hello to this fellow
And watch him pimp the colour purple like Donatello
I said before and I say it again, this man is gal-free
You wanna hook up with him? just head over to Kal-gree!
Now we got AB, and maybe, youuuuuuuuu know
That a penny of his thoughts trades higher than a Euuuuuuuuuuuuro
Busyness is AB's primary business
He leaves you in circles with his wit, causing dizziness
He could be anything he wanted, yes, even Robocop
Because he's got skilllllz on that Adobe Photoshop
He's mastered the program, oh yes he's done his homework
Heck, even Hamzz made him look like Whoopi Goldberg
He's got massive wit, within his chit-chatter
He wants your money too, currency doesn't matter.
Haters claim that he's in the process of balding
Well watch when his head is smoother than a Spalding
His game's already smooth, a sophisticated mammal
And there ain't no doubt that he's the coolest Tamil
The man is more inventive than Mr. Thomas Edison
Better recognize the man studyin Paramedicine.
And then there was Mash, who's thoughts are kinda creepy
The truth is right now, he's feelin kinda sleepy
To ensure that he's taking care of his-health
He's won't spend any time talking about himself
I'm going to bed. =D
We're bloggers in dis, guys! And we're bloggers in disguise
And that's exactly what our little blogger name implies
When you get up in this space, we act as stipulators
To make sure y'all respect us, the Smarticulators
We gots...
Hamzzzzz Jalal, Guaranteed Halaal
you can't have rice and chicken, unless you got the daal
I didn't say he's dull, for, he's the daal indeed
He's lookin for a lady, for all of y'all in need
But you better not impede, this man of quicks and wits
To a short cat like me, Hamzzz stands at 6-foot-6
You can't damage him, so...how you gonna wreck'im?
The man has better looks than your boy David Beckham (ohhhh!!)
Every time you see him, you be like, whoa you've gotten taller
And no one does it better when its time to pop the collar
So the next time you see him, say hello to this fellow
And watch him pimp the colour purple like Donatello
I said before and I say it again, this man is gal-free
You wanna hook up with him? just head over to Kal-gree!
Now we got AB, and maybe, youuuuuuuuu know
That a penny of his thoughts trades higher than a Euuuuuuuuuuuuro
Busyness is AB's primary business
He leaves you in circles with his wit, causing dizziness
He could be anything he wanted, yes, even Robocop
Because he's got skilllllz on that Adobe Photoshop
He's mastered the program, oh yes he's done his homework
Heck, even Hamzz made him look like Whoopi Goldberg
He's got massive wit, within his chit-chatter
He wants your money too, currency doesn't matter.
Haters claim that he's in the process of balding
Well watch when his head is smoother than a Spalding
His game's already smooth, a sophisticated mammal
And there ain't no doubt that he's the coolest Tamil
The man is more inventive than Mr. Thomas Edison
Better recognize the man studyin Paramedicine.
And then there was Mash, who's thoughts are kinda creepy
The truth is right now, he's feelin kinda sleepy
To ensure that he's taking care of his-health
He's won't spend any time talking about himself
I'm going to bed. =D
Friday, November 9, 2007
What do I want part 1
I have been meaning to advertise my position for the longest while, but have just been slightly busy. However, lately a lot of girls have been asking me out, and so, like anything else in life, I have conditions. Before I get into that, I wanted to share some recent conversations on MSN:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
yeah, that's true
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says:
wat??
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
oye!
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
ji?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
u wanna go catch a movie or sumtim tomorrow night?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
lol is hamza askin me outtzzz????
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hehe, ur hot man...who wouldn't?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
say wat?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
why the hell u makin me repeat what i just wrote...its frikkin msn, just scroll up dummy
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
have u even seen me b4?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
no and don't have to. u don't need to see hotness to know hotness..
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
wtf? u asshole, how could you say somethin stupid like that, and here i was gettin so serious too...u kno wat, u...just get out of my life
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
u askin me out gudiyaa?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee says:
yes, out of my life
and i'm blockin u right this moment, good bye u ass
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
siiiick, man u girls love me, always askin me out
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Here's another example:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
what do you mean! i think we men were supposed to be breadwinners and you 'gals' supposed to stay home and look after the food and kids
~* Sumedha *~ says:
ok ok, enough jokin yo...lol...i'm serious now, ur gettin on my nerves..how many times i gotta tell you i'm feminist and all, and there are certain things in life i don't appreciate, not even as jokes
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
what, can't handle the truth?
~* Sumedha *~ says:
what??
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
look, it's simple human nature man. if you look throughout history, we men have to take care of you girls and provide for you
~* Sumedha *~ says:
we can SO look after ourselves you chauvinistic ass, i cant believe u
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
and pleasure you and make sure you are comfortable in the home...but dammit man, stop all this nonsense talk of 'oh woman = man'--no they don't! even the titles are different!
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
noooooo man, you guys can definitely take care of yourself. i'm not saying you can't, it's just that the world is a rough battleground and i don't want pretty jewels getting rust out there. beauty should be kept insde, pearls within the shell.
~* Sumedha *~ says:
omg, i can't believe you, are you being serious!!! first of all you dumb grad student in science, jewel's don't rust. secondly, what the hell is up with this weakling woman attitude? i dont get it man, i KNOW you're not like this. well i hope you aren't...i don't know anymore, i'm confused. are you really seroius about all this?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
sumedha, look, i am the biggest woman's equality person out there. ask anyone of the people who know me...i ALWAYS stand up for you guys
~* Sumedha *~ says:
umm...we don't need to be looked after like we're toddlers or something. but thanks for the thought.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
straight up. the point is that i do believe there are certain things women are just incapable of doing EFFICIENTLY; making money and being smart are not their domain.
~* Sumedha *~ says:
you pig! you are so unbelievably typical...i had hopes in you man...
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hooooooooooly crap...u know waht forget this...MSN is not the place to be serious, you're completely misunderstanding me. i love women yaar...in fact, i wanna marry one! speaking of marrying women, the first step is getting to know them. waht say?
~* Sumedha *~ says:
YEAH RIGHT. get the **** out of my life.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
oh hoh, SOMEONE wants to go out iwth me...
~* Sumedha *~ says:
wtf??? man, you are nice deep inside. i hope you don't ruin your personality with this stupid chauvinistic condescending shit that you're on about. in any case, i've had it with you. it was nice knowing you. have a nice life..goodbye hamza
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
whoa whoa wait, what the...???
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
A final example:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hey girl
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
hi!
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
wanna go out...?
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
...on a date, u mean?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
with u? pssh. yea, rite.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
So as you can see, I'm being asked out quite a lot these days. Naturally, all this is flattering, but I have got to approach things the right way. So, my next post will be an outline of what qualities I am looking for in my girl. Until then, girls, try and resist me. You too, AB and Mash.
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
yeah, that's true
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says: wat??
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
oye!
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says: ji?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
u wanna go catch a movie or sumtim tomorrow night?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says: lol is hamza askin me outtzzz????
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hehe, ur hot man...who wouldn't?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says: say wat?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
why the hell u makin me repeat what i just wrote...its frikkin msn, just scroll up dummy
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says: have u even seen me b4?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
no and don't have to. u don't need to see hotness to know hotness..
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says: wtf? u asshole, how could you say somethin stupid like that, and here i was gettin so serious too...u kno wat, u...just get out of my life
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
u askin me out gudiyaa?
GuDiYaa DiLwaaaLi SaJnee
says: yes, out of my life
and i'm blockin u right this moment, good bye u assHamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
siiiick, man u girls love me, always askin me out
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Here's another example:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
what do you mean! i think we men were supposed to be breadwinners and you 'gals'
supposed to stay home and look after the food and kids~* Sumedha *~ says:
ok ok, enough jokin yo...lol...i'm serious now, ur gettin on my nerves..how many times i gotta tell you i'm feminist and all, and there are certain things in life i don't appreciate, not even as jokes
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
what, can't handle the truth?
~* Sumedha *~ says:
what??
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
look, it's simple human nature man. if you look throughout history, we men have to take care of you girls and provide for you
~* Sumedha *~ says:
we can SO look after ourselves you chauvinistic ass, i cant believe u
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
and pleasure you and make sure you are comfortable in the home...but dammit man, stop all this nonsense talk of 'oh woman = man'--no they don't! even the titles are different!
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
noooooo man, you guys can definitely take care of yourself. i'm not saying you can't, it's just that the world is a rough battleground and i don't want pretty jewels getting rust out there. beauty should be kept insde, pearls within the shell.
~* Sumedha *~ says:
omg, i can't believe you, are you being serious!!! first of all you dumb grad student in science, jewel's don't rust. secondly, what the hell is up with this weakling woman attitude? i dont get it man, i KNOW you're not like this. well i hope you aren't...i don't know anymore, i'm confused. are you really seroius about all this?
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
sumedha, look, i am the biggest woman's equality person out there. ask anyone of the people who know me...i ALWAYS stand up for you guys
~* Sumedha *~ says:
umm...we don't need to be looked after like we're toddlers or something. but thanks for the thought.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
straight up. the point is that i do believe there are certain things women are just incapable of doing EFFICIENTLY; making money and being smart are not their domain.
~* Sumedha *~ says:
you pig! you are so unbelievably typical...i had hopes in you man...
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hooooooooooly crap...u know waht forget this...MSN is not the place to be serious, you're completely misunderstanding me. i love women yaar...in fact, i wanna marry one! speaking of marrying women, the first step is getting to know them. waht say?
~* Sumedha *~ says:
YEAH RIGHT. get the **** out of my life.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
oh hoh, SOMEONE wants to go out iwth me...
~* Sumedha *~ says:
wtf???
man, you are nice deep inside. i hope you don't ruin your personality with this stupid chauvinistic condescending shit that you're on about. in any case, i've had it with you. it was nice knowing you. have a nice life..goodbye hamza Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
whoa whoa wait, what the...???~~~~~~******~~~~~~
A final example:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
hey girl
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
hi!
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
wanna go out...?
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
...on a date, u mean?Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
with u? pssh. yea, rite.
Hamzu bamzu-"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."-Lincoln <== straight up foos! says:
y r guys so damn idiotic! says:
~~~~~~******~~~~~~
So as you can see, I'm being asked out quite a lot these days. Naturally, all this is flattering, but I have got to approach things the right way. So, my next post will be an outline of what qualities I am looking for in my girl. Until then, girls, try and resist me. You too, AB and Mash.
NONE OF THESE CONVOS TOOK PLACE. NONE OF THESE PEOPLE EXIST. I JUST MADE IT UP. It's weird how no one of the readers so far got that.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Time for blog administrators' first (and secret) meeting.
AB, Mash, I would like to put forth a motion to change our blog name. Just the latter half of it: "bloggers in disguise". (Who the hell came up with this name anyway? Was it you, AB?) Clearly we're not disguising that we're blogging. But that's not the reason for this.
I have a lot of readers who just don't pick up on the fact that this blog is a collaborated venture. They think it's all me (since they don't know you). And they praise me incessantly; for example, according to them, the best entry that's been written is about my "Near Death Experience". (Hamzz giggles like a school girl.)
But, you know, being trained as a Masters student has taught me an important thing in life: how to read papers.
Back to the topic at hand: I had a dream last night in which I stole something from someone and then I was being chased by pitbulls because of it. So, I need to stop stealing your credit, just like you both need to stop stealing mine. (I can just see Mash gaining all the sympathies from the girlies for his terrible landlord experience. Don't think I didn't know; it doesn't help when you decide to mack the same girls that I am.)
So let's change the name and incorporate the word "collaboration" in there somehow. What say yous?
BTW, if you're not AB and Mash, you can still attend this secret meeting, and, in fact, contribute as well. Mostly likely though we will not care for what you have to say. So please do comment, your suggestions are most welcome (futile).
The first (secretly exclusive) meeting was co-chaired and attended by the following delegates in the fall of 2007 (may their so-called humour be accepted and syndicated into a national parody one day):
I have a lot of readers who just don't pick up on the fact that this blog is a collaborated venture. They think it's all me (since they don't know you). And they praise me incessantly; for example, according to them, the best entry that's been written is about my "Near Death Experience". (Hamzz giggles like a school girl.)
But, you know, being trained as a Masters student has taught me an important thing in life: how to read papers.
Back to the topic at hand: I had a dream last night in which I stole something from someone and then I was being chased by pitbulls because of it. So, I need to stop stealing your credit, just like you both need to stop stealing mine. (I can just see Mash gaining all the sympathies from the girlies for his terrible landlord experience. Don't think I didn't know; it doesn't help when you decide to mack the same girls that I am.)
So let's change the name and incorporate the word "collaboration" in there somehow. What say yous?
BTW, if you're not AB and Mash, you can still attend this secret meeting, and, in fact, contribute as well. Mostly likely though we will not care for what you have to say. So please do comment, your suggestions are most welcome (futile).
The first (secretly exclusive) meeting was co-chaired and attended by the following delegates in the fall of 2007 (may their so-called humour be accepted and syndicated into a national parody one day):
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Near Death Experience
Today, just moments ago, i had a near death experience. Or at least a near fatal-car-crash-that-might-have-led-to-severe-life- altering-therapy-experience...
Lemme give you some background perspective on the events leading upto the above mentioned experience/event.
I usually drive my dad's beat up Aerostar to work. By beat up - i don't mean a few scratches on the sides...it literally looks and drives like it was on the wrong end of a Transformer's showdown. The back seats of the van were completely ripped apart and in its place, a coring machine, an electrical generator and construction cylinders were thrown in. Suffice to say that if the van got hit - all that stuff in the back would either impale and/or decapitate whoever was in the front two seats... Also - the generator smelt entirely of gasoline - hence the entire interior smells like a gas station.
Well - that's not the half of it - the van was also in a previous accident (by yours truly ofcourse) which led to the entire passenger side bumper being smashed awkwardly into the passenger side tires. Hence we had to rip that side of the bumper out. The van also had 2 cracks on the windshield that ran from post to post. The side indicator lights were unhinged and would swing out every once in awhile (especially when taking hard lefts). And the steering column was ripped out - so all the wires underneath were exposed - making it seem like the van was hijacked or something.
Also the power windows didn't work.
Ok - so thats the background to my little near death moment - u might be thinking that any ride in a van that deranged would be considered a near death experience...well thats technically true - but anywho - i was sufficiently comfortable enough riding it that i thought it wasn't too big of a deal...
So today just happened to be a really crappy, rainy day...the rain poured down so hard that parts of the warehouse i was working in was flooded. The thing about my van is that to get the wipers to work - u have to connect two wires below the steering column (yes i know - ghetto is an understatement). But by connecting these two wires - u disable the heater and the indicator lights (shortcircuits it out for some reason). *Yes yes i know i know - it's a death trap*. But having no choice - i had to take the hunk of junk home with me - i decided to brave the mean streets of T Dot.
On my way home from work, i was at an intersection with traffic flowing one-way in front of me. I had difficulty seeing anything at all - what with the downpour - and i had to try and connect the wires ever so often to get the windshield to clear up for a split second. So while doing so - it shortcircuits my lights and voila - my indicators no longer work...however - i didn't notice them not working - and because of the downpour i couldnt really hear the 'clickedy-clicks' of the indicator. So i signal and try to move through traffic.
Bad idea.
I saw 3 cars coming right at me - all from my passenger side window. And this was Richmond street - so they were doing something like 70 km/hr down a hill. I slammed my brakes and turned my head and saw two lights right through my passenger side window. And u have to understand - it was like directly in my line of sight - hence - its trajectory would have eventually nailed me and sent me flying backwards - probably sending a few cylinders from the back through my body just in case i wasn't dead and/or dying from the initial impact. AS soon as i saw the headlights - i remember thinking:
This is it - and - it's gonna hurt. (i kid you not)
Well - i saw the lights come towards me almost in slow mo - it felt like there was time for me to do something - even though i knew it was careening at me at like 60 or 70 km/hr. All i have to say is that - whoever was behind that wheel was a stunt driver or a really crazy mo-fo on 4 wheels - cause he managed to barely swerve past me and skidded a bit while everyone starting honking their hearts out in disbelief...
It was one of the most surreal few seconds of my life. I still cannot figure out how i managed NOT to get T-boned. My heart jumped into my throat and i think i would have peed my pants if i wasnt allready dehydrated from sweating profusly inside the van (yes its quite hot inside - courtesy of all that metal equipment).
All i can say is that - i'm glad i don't have to spend the next few months in a rehab clinic....
That and the air smells soo much fresher now - it's like i have a whole new perspective on life now.....ahhh - the sweet sweet smell of a gasoline free environment....
Lemme give you some background perspective on the events leading upto the above mentioned experience/event.
I usually drive my dad's beat up Aerostar to work. By beat up - i don't mean a few scratches on the sides...it literally looks and drives like it was on the wrong end of a Transformer's showdown. The back seats of the van were completely ripped apart and in its place, a coring machine, an electrical generator and construction cylinders were thrown in. Suffice to say that if the van got hit - all that stuff in the back would either impale and/or decapitate whoever was in the front two seats... Also - the generator smelt entirely of gasoline - hence the entire interior smells like a gas station.
Well - that's not the half of it - the van was also in a previous accident (by yours truly ofcourse) which led to the entire passenger side bumper being smashed awkwardly into the passenger side tires. Hence we had to rip that side of the bumper out. The van also had 2 cracks on the windshield that ran from post to post. The side indicator lights were unhinged and would swing out every once in awhile (especially when taking hard lefts). And the steering column was ripped out - so all the wires underneath were exposed - making it seem like the van was hijacked or something.
Also the power windows didn't work.
Ok - so thats the background to my little near death moment - u might be thinking that any ride in a van that deranged would be considered a near death experience...well thats technically true - but anywho - i was sufficiently comfortable enough riding it that i thought it wasn't too big of a deal...
So today just happened to be a really crappy, rainy day...the rain poured down so hard that parts of the warehouse i was working in was flooded. The thing about my van is that to get the wipers to work - u have to connect two wires below the steering column (yes i know - ghetto is an understatement). But by connecting these two wires - u disable the heater and the indicator lights (shortcircuits it out for some reason). *Yes yes i know i know - it's a death trap*. But having no choice - i had to take the hunk of junk home with me - i decided to brave the mean streets of T Dot.
On my way home from work, i was at an intersection with traffic flowing one-way in front of me. I had difficulty seeing anything at all - what with the downpour - and i had to try and connect the wires ever so often to get the windshield to clear up for a split second. So while doing so - it shortcircuits my lights and voila - my indicators no longer work...however - i didn't notice them not working - and because of the downpour i couldnt really hear the 'clickedy-clicks' of the indicator. So i signal and try to move through traffic.
Bad idea.
I saw 3 cars coming right at me - all from my passenger side window. And this was Richmond street - so they were doing something like 70 km/hr down a hill. I slammed my brakes and turned my head and saw two lights right through my passenger side window. And u have to understand - it was like directly in my line of sight - hence - its trajectory would have eventually nailed me and sent me flying backwards - probably sending a few cylinders from the back through my body just in case i wasn't dead and/or dying from the initial impact. AS soon as i saw the headlights - i remember thinking:
This is it - and - it's gonna hurt. (i kid you not)
Well - i saw the lights come towards me almost in slow mo - it felt like there was time for me to do something - even though i knew it was careening at me at like 60 or 70 km/hr. All i have to say is that - whoever was behind that wheel was a stunt driver or a really crazy mo-fo on 4 wheels - cause he managed to barely swerve past me and skidded a bit while everyone starting honking their hearts out in disbelief...
It was one of the most surreal few seconds of my life. I still cannot figure out how i managed NOT to get T-boned. My heart jumped into my throat and i think i would have peed my pants if i wasnt allready dehydrated from sweating profusly inside the van (yes its quite hot inside - courtesy of all that metal equipment).
All i can say is that - i'm glad i don't have to spend the next few months in a rehab clinic....
That and the air smells soo much fresher now - it's like i have a whole new perspective on life now.....ahhh - the sweet sweet smell of a gasoline free environment....
Thursday, October 4, 2007
A Boy and His Python
Don't know if everyone's seen this....
quite a touching little story...
so cute...
quite a touching little story...
so cute...
Monday, October 1, 2007
Air Native N7
Nike last week announced the launch of a new shoe that is being unveiled as the first shoe designed specifically for Native American Indians. In fact, the campaign is being branded as an effort aiming to promote fitness in what they describe as a population with high obesity rates.
They say that the "Air Native N7" is designed with a larger fit for the distinct foot shape of American Indians, and has a culturally specific look.
Nike has said that all profits from the sale of the shoe will be reinvested in health programs for tribal lands. The company anticipates selling at least 10,000 pairs and raising $200,000 for tribal programs. At $42.80 wholesale, they claim that it represents less of a financial opportunity and more of a goodwill and branding effort.
Mash's Thoughts:
Nike's a hater. A filthy rich, corporate, sweat-shop running hater. Why, you ask? Sure they designed a shoe specifically for the Native Indians as a good cause (or so they say) with a reasonably affordable price, but did they design a shoe for the African-born-obese-fella-with-an-Indian- Subcontinental-background-who-usually-buys-Reebok-
and-Adidas-branded-shoes-anyways? No. I didn't think so.
I mean, I was really, really looking forward to the Air Chamras, endorsed by like, Russell Peters or something.
I mean, they could come out with a whole new line of products that would be both critically and financially successful.
Maybe the Sweat-Absorbent Kurta? (We all know, this particular target market sweats a lot)
Or maybe even the Wind-Repellent Shawl for the ladies.
Hmm. Actually,wait...
AB and Hamza...
...Why aren't WE capitalizing on this opportunity???!?!?!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Parity or Parody?
Everyone is talking about the Canadian dollar reaching parity with its US counterpart.
Wat exacly does this mean u might wonder? Cheaper prices north of the border perhaps? An increase in consumer satisfaction? Soaring sales of previously overpriced electronic equipment? well...not really.
Despite having reached parity - the Canadian dollar is still well...friggin Canadian. Hopefully stores will catch onto the craze that is the free market and lower prices before we all move south of the border to do our weekend shopping. However good news is just on the horizon - as yahoo! - being the market leader in all things...markety. Decided to lower the prices on many of their online games out there. Yes - u heard it here first folks - online gaming prices have plummeted. By how much u dare ask? Well just take a look at this lovely detailed picture Mash sent me not very long ago...
...ahem - yes i know what your thinking.
WTF (fudge)
A game that USED to cost 20 bucks is now an affordable 19.99 - giving more credence to the age-old cliche: "a penny saved is a penny earned." So wat does this mean for online gaming aficionados? Well it means yahoo is finding new and innovative ways to screw over potential customers while alienating those who would actually pay for an online game (i mean seriously...who buys stuff anymore?? 5 finger discounts are all the craze these days).
One can argue that yahoo is in reality quite business savvy - and by playing psychological mind games with their customers they are doing just that - showing everyone how playful they can really be. Those conniving little sons of biscuits.....they sure know how to play the corporate game of life....no wonder they've got their very own search engine...
Anywho - thats my two cents worth - if it can even be considered two cents - seeing as how i've only saved about a penny by buying Family Fued (i mean come on...pass up on a sale?? i think not...) - so i guess it's really just my penny's worth now....
Wat exacly does this mean u might wonder? Cheaper prices north of the border perhaps? An increase in consumer satisfaction? Soaring sales of previously overpriced electronic equipment? well...not really.Despite having reached parity - the Canadian dollar is still well...friggin Canadian. Hopefully stores will catch onto the craze that is the free market and lower prices before we all move south of the border to do our weekend shopping. However good news is just on the horizon - as yahoo! - being the market leader in all things...markety. Decided to lower the prices on many of their online games out there. Yes - u heard it here first folks - online gaming prices have plummeted. By how much u dare ask? Well just take a look at this lovely detailed picture Mash sent me not very long ago...
...ahem - yes i know what your thinking.
WTF (fudge)
A game that USED to cost 20 bucks is now an affordable 19.99 - giving more credence to the age-old cliche: "a penny saved is a penny earned." So wat does this mean for online gaming aficionados? Well it means yahoo is finding new and innovative ways to screw over potential customers while alienating those who would actually pay for an online game (i mean seriously...who buys stuff anymore?? 5 finger discounts are all the craze these days).
One can argue that yahoo is in reality quite business savvy - and by playing psychological mind games with their customers they are doing just that - showing everyone how playful they can really be. Those conniving little sons of biscuits.....they sure know how to play the corporate game of life....no wonder they've got their very own search engine...
Anywho - thats my two cents worth - if it can even be considered two cents - seeing as how i've only saved about a penny by buying Family Fued (i mean come on...pass up on a sale?? i think not...) - so i guess it's really just my penny's worth now....
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Please answer my question at the end...
So tell me, legally and otherwise, what should be done?
I walked into my place today and the landlord was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. In the past few days I used up a bit of his aluminum foil, so I decided to show good gesture by buying a brand spanking new aluminum foil pack for him. As he saw me stow it in the drawer, we struck up a little conversation. The backdrop was a kitchen window with the sun bright but not blinding as it was setting, and its cheerful rays seeping through, settling upon and illuminating his face:
"Hey Bob!" I exclaimed. [Note: landlord's real name has been changed for privacy purposes under the articleship of CCEA's fundamental media rights bill 203-33a, sponsored and directed by local union federation 22.]
"Hey man, how are ya?" Bob smiled back.
"Aweeeesssssooooomeeeee!"
"That's great. How was your day?"
"Great man, how about you?"
"Ahh, not too baaad. You know?"
Alright, enough with the damn small talk. We both lead busy lives, it was time to get to the point.
"Sooo, Bob, since I am moving out in 5 days, I was just wondering if you could give me the safety deposit back in cash?"
Bob's facial muscles suddenly tensed. The sun's rays were now gone; following in my imagination the path that they would have taken, were they there, I noticed that there was a dark cloud covering the sun. Loud suspenseful music started playing. I looked over at the TV and contemplated turning it off. Bob broke our eye contact, and while stowing the dishes away, he mumbled (though I still made it out), "Yeah well if that room is not rented out by then I am keeping it."
Still smiling, I suddenly blurted, "what?"
"Yeah. I should have rented the room out to someone who would have stayed for long and not for an [effing] month. You screwed me over man." [The bolded words are his verbatim.]
I knew, I just knew he'd do this. I had grown suspicious of his personality over the past couple of weeks and I knew something like this would not be out of the question. That sharaabi. So I perked up, wiped out kind- Hamza-smile and replaced it with pitbull-Hamza-face and said, "Well, I do see where you are coming from, and I apologize for leaving like this, but the rent was specifically month-to-month, and while I found this place wonderful, it is mad far from the campus. Here's what I will do, though. Since I gave you the notice on the 9th (of September), I am legally supposed to stay till the 9th of October and thus pay you your rent for those 9 days. Cool? But you have to give me my safety back. Do you think you can give it in cash?"
He thought for a moment, then replied with reluctance in his voice, "Whatever man, we'll see, but yeah can't do cash--maybe cheque."
"Alright man, cool."
With that I left him and went back to my room thinking I'm glad I am moving out of here in 5 days.
So now, let me ask you something. I am soft-hearted, and I do understand his issue: I kind of did screw him over in the sense that he could have gotten someone who would have stayed longer than I am, but he chose me. So, now, the rent for the 9 days works out to $150. The safety was $300. He legally owes me back $150. But, I'm thinking, if I should ask him for $150 back or just $100, and throw in the extra $50 for the little trouble that I did cause. This is not a legal question. This is a general social question. But yeah, legally what's your view too?
What would you do?
I walked into my place today and the landlord was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. In the past few days I used up a bit of his aluminum foil, so I decided to show good gesture by buying a brand spanking new aluminum foil pack for him. As he saw me stow it in the drawer, we struck up a little conversation. The backdrop was a kitchen window with the sun bright but not blinding as it was setting, and its cheerful rays seeping through, settling upon and illuminating his face:
"Hey Bob!" I exclaimed. [Note: landlord's real name has been changed for privacy purposes under the articleship of CCEA's fundamental media rights bill 203-33a, sponsored and directed by local union federation 22.]
"Hey man, how are ya?" Bob smiled back.
"Aweeeesssssooooomeeeee!"
"That's great. How was your day?"
"Great man, how about you?"
"Ahh, not too baaad. You know?"
Alright, enough with the damn small talk. We both lead busy lives, it was time to get to the point.
"Sooo, Bob, since I am moving out in 5 days, I was just wondering if you could give me the safety deposit back in cash?"
Bob's facial muscles suddenly tensed. The sun's rays were now gone; following in my imagination the path that they would have taken, were they there, I noticed that there was a dark cloud covering the sun. Loud suspenseful music started playing. I looked over at the TV and contemplated turning it off. Bob broke our eye contact, and while stowing the dishes away, he mumbled (though I still made it out), "Yeah well if that room is not rented out by then I am keeping it."
Still smiling, I suddenly blurted, "what?"
"Yeah. I should have rented the room out to someone who would have stayed for long and not for an [effing] month. You screwed me over man." [The bolded words are his verbatim.]
I knew, I just knew he'd do this. I had grown suspicious of his personality over the past couple of weeks and I knew something like this would not be out of the question. That sharaabi. So I perked up, wiped out kind- Hamza-smile and replaced it with pitbull-Hamza-face and said, "Well, I do see where you are coming from, and I apologize for leaving like this, but the rent was specifically month-to-month, and while I found this place wonderful, it is mad far from the campus. Here's what I will do, though. Since I gave you the notice on the 9th (of September), I am legally supposed to stay till the 9th of October and thus pay you your rent for those 9 days. Cool? But you have to give me my safety back. Do you think you can give it in cash?"
He thought for a moment, then replied with reluctance in his voice, "Whatever man, we'll see, but yeah can't do cash--maybe cheque."
"Alright man, cool."
With that I left him and went back to my room thinking I'm glad I am moving out of here in 5 days.
So now, let me ask you something. I am soft-hearted, and I do understand his issue: I kind of did screw him over in the sense that he could have gotten someone who would have stayed longer than I am, but he chose me. So, now, the rent for the 9 days works out to $150. The safety was $300. He legally owes me back $150. But, I'm thinking, if I should ask him for $150 back or just $100, and throw in the extra $50 for the little trouble that I did cause. This is not a legal question. This is a general social question. But yeah, legally what's your view too?
What would you do?
Friday, September 21, 2007
Strike One - You're Out
Many of you may have heard about the five-alarm fire that ravaged parts of Victoria Park and Danforth last night. Fortunately, no one was known to be injured. And yes. I live at that intersection. Thanks for all of you who called to see to see if I was okay. I really appreciate it. [okay, no one actually called me. I was hoping that I could guilt-trip everyone, thinking they'd be the only person in the world not to call me. And then I would get calls. =)]
In more important news, a man was jailed yesterday for having thrown an onion at his wife. He not only threw it at her. He in fact, hit her. As a result, he was charged with domestic assault causing injury.
She told police that "it made her head hurt". The man, James Izzolena, admitted throwing the onion, but he claimed he did not intend to hit her with it. He was being held without bond pending his court appearance yesterday.
Mash's Thoughts:
Okay, the guy is 54 years old. But I think his pinpoint accuracy is better than half of the pitching staff of the Toronto Blue Jays. I don't believe for a second that he didn't intend to hit her. That he did doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is that his wife is 27. He is 54. She is 27. I guess one could probably say he's twice the person she is, no? [insert laugh track here, since I doubt any of you found that funny]
Anywho, so the guy hit her with an onion in the head. I've been hit by a hardball deadsmack in the face. I've been hit with a baseball bat in the mouth. I've been hit in the manjewels several times while playing soccer, and kicked several more times when not playing soccer as well. Why is the woman acting like such a girl for? It's not like she got kicked in the...ahem...It's not like she got hit in mouth with a baseball bat.
I know some of you ladies out there must be thinking, what about the guy? Fear not, I'm definitely not letting HIM off the hook. I mean, how DARE he throw an onion? Precious onion! Base of all curry gravy! The fact that it's an onion makes me want to cry. I can't even look straight at an onion anymore without shedding tears.
Sigh.
In more important news, a man was jailed yesterday for having thrown an onion at his wife. He not only threw it at her. He in fact, hit her. As a result, he was charged with domestic assault causing injury.
She told police that "it made her head hurt". The man, James Izzolena, admitted throwing the onion, but he claimed he did not intend to hit her with it. He was being held without bond pending his court appearance yesterday.
Mash's Thoughts:
Okay, the guy is 54 years old. But I think his pinpoint accuracy is better than half of the pitching staff of the Toronto Blue Jays. I don't believe for a second that he didn't intend to hit her. That he did doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is that his wife is 27. He is 54. She is 27. I guess one could probably say he's twice the person she is, no? [insert laugh track here, since I doubt any of you found that funny]
Anywho, so the guy hit her with an onion in the head. I've been hit by a hardball deadsmack in the face. I've been hit with a baseball bat in the mouth. I've been hit in the manjewels several times while playing soccer, and kicked several more times when not playing soccer as well. Why is the woman acting like such a girl for? It's not like she got kicked in the...ahem...It's not like she got hit in mouth with a baseball bat.
I know some of you ladies out there must be thinking, what about the guy? Fear not, I'm definitely not letting HIM off the hook. I mean, how DARE he throw an onion? Precious onion! Base of all curry gravy! The fact that it's an onion makes me want to cry. I can't even look straight at an onion anymore without shedding tears.
Sigh.
Monday, September 17, 2007
I Don't Want No Sporty Thieves
Look out Abdamza Habdullah! You've officially got competition for best looking couple. Apparently, an abandoned monkey has found true love with a pigeon. Word is the 12 week old macaque was abandoned by his mother and was on the brink of death.
According to staff at the sanctuary, the 'blossoming relationship' helped to revive the macaque and give it a new lease on life.
The crazy part is that this is actually the third interspecies episode in recent memory. Earlier this year a pig raised a tiger cub and raised him along with her piglets, and another story of a baby deer named Mi-lu befriending a lurcher named Geoffrey emerged sometime in 2005.
Mash's thoughts:
Wow. Isn't this exactly what Disney-Pixar movies are made out of? A truly exceptional exemplification of how life imitates art.
Now, more seriously (yes Mashy can be serious too you know), I found that there are some underlying morals that can be learned from this spectacle. I know we all love the monkey, so instead, let's give some airtime to the pigeon. As I know many of us hate pigeons and their pooping parades, I felt compelled to point out that, if this monkey can find something to love in this pigeon, can't we humans, as far more emotionally advanced, do the same?
Now I'm not saying graciously accept pigeons pooping on us. Because according to the most recent surveys, pooping on people is still considered bad. Instead, we must learn to accept and tolerate the pigeon, even though we may hate the poop that comes along with it (or most of us, anyways). I mean, just look at how cute that picture is. Can you really hate a pigeon after looking at a picture like this? And while it's true that the monkey is what makes this picture awesome, can't the pigeon at least be cool-by-association?
According to staff at the sanctuary, the 'blossoming relationship' helped to revive the macaque and give it a new lease on life.
The crazy part is that this is actually the third interspecies episode in recent memory. Earlier this year a pig raised a tiger cub and raised him along with her piglets, and another story of a baby deer named Mi-lu befriending a lurcher named Geoffrey emerged sometime in 2005.
Mash's thoughts:
Wow. Isn't this exactly what Disney-Pixar movies are made out of? A truly exceptional exemplification of how life imitates art.
Now, more seriously (yes Mashy can be serious too you know), I found that there are some underlying morals that can be learned from this spectacle. I know we all love the monkey, so instead, let's give some airtime to the pigeon. As I know many of us hate pigeons and their pooping parades, I felt compelled to point out that, if this monkey can find something to love in this pigeon, can't we humans, as far more emotionally advanced, do the same?
Now I'm not saying graciously accept pigeons pooping on us. Because according to the most recent surveys, pooping on people is still considered bad. Instead, we must learn to accept and tolerate the pigeon, even though we may hate the poop that comes along with it (or most of us, anyways). I mean, just look at how cute that picture is. Can you really hate a pigeon after looking at a picture like this? And while it's true that the monkey is what makes this picture awesome, can't the pigeon at least be cool-by-association?
I'd like you all to send your donations to help pigeons around the world. Please send your cash and cheques to the Pigeons' Ethical Treatment Assocation (PETA) via Smarticulators. Let's not be cruel to any animals. Why? Because PETA said so.
[Mini-contest Time! Whoever can get the connection between the blogpost and the blogpost title wins another fantastic opportunity to pay us an undisclosed amount of money. All kidding aside, try it. It shouldn't be that hard.]
[Mini-contest Time! Whoever can get the connection between the blogpost and the blogpost title wins another fantastic opportunity to pay us an undisclosed amount of money. All kidding aside, try it. It shouldn't be that hard.]
Friday, September 14, 2007
Just Another Milestone
We would all like to a take a moment of your time to celebrate our 16th post. Why are we celebrating such a momentous milestone you ask? Well frankly to tell you the truth we didn't think we would ever make it past 3 posts...and this is quite a pleasant surprise - i mean - we dreamt big - just never this big...its all very hard to digest. We would first like to thank our family and friends (ok fine - friend - singular) for making all this possible. Furthermore - we'd like to give shout outs to our homeboys on the mean streets of TO - for teaching us how to hustle like true businessmen on Wall Street (or Bay Street in our case)....despite the fact we haven't earned a single penny yet, we figure we'll be rolling in the dough soon. Mathematically speaking if we got a penny for every blog post we did - we'd be like....15 cents richer. Anywho - the point is - that we're celebrating the only way we know how - by fasting for the next 30 days (booya baby).
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